I'm still here...

... just ... not well enough to blog.  Don't give up on me.

I've had 3 of these 'seizure things' in 3 days and am a basket case.  I'm seeing both the neurologist's PA in the morning and then my cardiologist later. 

I'm not sure this is glucose related after all.  It may be I'm going through a very very bad withdrawal from 10 years of lopressor.  My body doesn't know how to act itself anymore after the lopressor having so much control for so long.

I'll work up an entry when I'm feeling better - and aren't so anxious and distraught.  It's hard to think straight anymore.

Keep a kind thought for me.  And thanks for your comments -- they help so much.

Good news, bad news, hopeful news

Well, yesterday (Tuesday) was .... interesting.  (I'm getting to hate that word.)

First some good news.  After 3 years of enduring the ravages of d^mn deer, the 3 prairie fire crabtrees that I planted at the same time as the Robinisons in the crab bed, are in full bloom this year!  Sure you'll notice that all of the bottom branches have had to be cut off - all broken/ eaten by deer, but I guess (hope!) that the rest are now growing out of reach of the 4-legged plague.  I really like how deep the color of the blooms are (compared to the Robinsons which are a decided light pink).

Notice the teeny weeny one on the right?  That thing used to be twice as big, but now a mere shadow of itself due to deer.  There are few branches left, but still, this year, somehow those buds were overlooked and are blooming away like the big guys.  I call it - The Little Prince.

Now, for the bad news.  Yesterday, around 11:00 am, I suddenly realized I was going to have another of those terrifying episodes of fizzing, weakness, panic, etc.  I knew it was coming.  I don't know how.... but it was.  It's like if you were in a room and everything looked fine and then somehow, the light changed and things didn't 'feel' the same.  That's what I felt.  These episodes are like nothing else that I've had in the past - this isn't prickles/numbness, this isn't hunger/light-headedness.  This was --- different.  And scary.   What the hell could these be?  What?

I'm relatively smart.  And lately, I've had to get smarter (as my doctors seem to be getting dumber).  These episodes start from the middle of my head, move down my neck and then I'm in full fainty - abject fear mode.   Now what....

I headed for the web.  And found an answer.  And it was terrifying.  I may well be having hypoglycemia-induced seizures.  Not enough glucose in my brain.  Probably compounded by my continued dehydration problem (I'm drying out no matter how much fluid I get).   Y'see, I give these symptoms to my GP and she wants me to see a shrink.  I TOLD her I'm hypoglycemic.  Did she react?  Did she offer to do any glucose testing?  Did she give a damn?  No.

At the first 'hit' on the web, I ran and got some glucose tablets, chewed them down, then slurped down a Klondike bar while I continued to research.  These spells sure read like seizures.  (Don't panic.  The glucose tablets went right to my blood/brain and, thankfully, reduced this current event to a minimum, though the 'hangover' from it lasted most of the rest of the day.)

Now the good news.  While at the neurologist on Friday, I convinced him to refer me to an endocronologist.  I WAS worried about my hypoglycemia and even though it was NOT in his bailiwick, he asked if I was fatigued?  Hell yes!  Okay, he referred me to an endocrinologist.  How fortunate.  By yesterday, however, I'd not heard from the endo people (and with this new discovery, I needed attention RIGHT NOW) so called over there to see when they were making my appointment based on the referral.  "What referral?"  You guessed it - no paperwork was ever sent.  *FUME*   I explained the situation and they set up an appointment and then I called the neuro people and got them to fax the referral.  GOOD FRACKING GRIEF do I have to do everything?

So tomorrow (Thursday) should be busy.  Not only do I have a Therapy evaluation for the cervical DDD in the morning, I have an appointment with the endocrinologist in the afternoon.   Maybe now I'll get some answers - or help.  Because I never knew (and it was never explained to me by my GP) that hypoglycemia is not just "oh eat something, you'll feel better".   No!  Without sufficient glucose in the blood and the very-demanding brain, you can have seizures!  Or worse...

So tomorrow, hopefully, we'll take my endocrine system to the shop and have all those pesky little glands put up on the rack, so to speak.  Because somewhere, something is very very out of whack....  Please, keep your fingers crossed that the 6th time (with doctors) turns out to be the charm.  I'm so due for one!

Dirt therapy

Gosh, I'm well and truly bushed, cream-crackered (I love this British-ism) if you will.  I've spent Friday and Saturday getting stuff done in the gardens with the help of Craig and his helpful son, N.

After my follow-up visit to the neurologist (like I said, all he did was comment that the scans were clear and even though I mentioned that my right face/neck/arm went totally numb on 2 separate occasions, he said basically - he's got nothing to offer me) the stress level had ramped up.  Thankfully N. came in the afternoon and I got a good dose of dirt therapy.

Between the two of us we accomplished (among other things):

* Removed the rest of the ill-advised landscape fabric from around the shrubs along the driveway - without wood chips (supply dried up), I kept mowing over the fabric and spraying it all over the nabe's lawn;
* raked up all the scuffle-hoed debris from the fence, veg, fertile crescent beds (which I'd done over the previous 2 days) and hauled the piles of weeds back to the compost;
* pulled up all the tripods, lattice and tomato stakes from the crescent bed;
* fetched 5 mature lavender plants from Mom's gardens (once something gets to full-size, she tends to yank stuff out deciding she suddenly 'doesn't like it');
* pushed around a couple barrow-loads of dirt and found most of the chipmunk holes, sunken spots in the lawns and pounded them full so the mower doesn't bounced into them - jarring my neck & back;
* moved a roll of wooden snow fence back to the shed; 
* transplanted a gi-normous rhubarb crown from the old veg bed, split it and planted it in one of the 3 (installed last Fall) raised beds back by the golf course;

*Whew*   Around six (4 hours later) I was a wreck but still I asked N. if he wanted more hours.  Sure!  (*pant* - a mixed blessing of a response if ever there was one)  Thankfully - about 10 minutes later he said - "Okay if I just come back tomorrow?  I'm kinda tired...."  Yay.  I would have soldiered on, assuming he wouldn't be back for a couple of weeks...

Saturday morning (early) Craig came gave the new veg bed a 3rd and final tilling as well as a quick run over the fertile crescent part of the ring bed.  Now both can be planted up - and then it will need sturdy deer protection.

N. arrived before noon and in 2.5 hours we:

* planted the 5 'rescue' lavender plants,
* cut back half-a-dozen HUGE butterfly bushes to the ground (to regrow),
* collected all the recently-fallen branches from around the yard,
* filled more sink holes
* etc.

And, like Friday, while he was busy, I was mowing lawns and BAGGING the clippings.  Since he was available to wrestle the full bags and dump them on beds, I was eager to collect as much as I could as the lawns this Spring are thick and lush and growing fast.

I'm so glad we got so much done, but I'm sure looking forward to a nice quiet Sunday!  I noticed the asparagus is popping so that's certainly on the menu today and I think there is a good film coming on this afternoon.  Just what the doctor ordered.  (Well, not any of MY doctors.... idiots.)

A tale of two trees

I planted these two Robinson crabapple trees back in April, 2010.  They had a few blooms that first year and more in 2011 and 2012.

This year, however, on of them is bright and bountiful while the other is barely there.  I wonder why one has blooms all along the branches while the other only has them at the tips?

A couple of years ago my front crabapple did the same thing - just tip blossoms.  I don't know why crabs do that.  I thought it might be weather related, but the two in the crab bed say otherwise as they enjoy the same conditions.  Go figure.

As you can see, the front crabapple is in full splendor and, if the rains come this year, I may have a bumper crop of crabapples.  I hope so, as I'm totally out of crabapple jelly!

Meanwhile, I wait patiently for my favorite crabapple tree to bloom - the unknown white.  The buds are swelling now and should be in glory in about a week.  It's not to be missed. :-D

Losing ground

First off - the good news.  I've spent some time this morning playing catch-up with my side-bar blog pages.  You'll find new stuff on 4 pages:

Chef's Table,
Plant Propagation,
Vegetables, and
Garden Projects.

You'll find that, aside from my crabbing about my failing health, I DO manage to get some fun things done around here lately!  Hope you'll click your way over there (from the sidebar links) and check things out.

After 3 years, the redbud tree is actually blooming. 
(Note the LOUSY mortar job on my chimney. 
It serves as 2 reminders:
1) even the 'good guys' can screw up and
2) stress can cripple you if you don't do something about it

Then, the bad news.  Yesterday I had, what I considered, a day of light activity (shopping and errands, then bringing up those plants from the basement (see Vegetable Page)).  I seemed to be no worse than normal then, last evening as I sat down to catch up on some blog reading, my right side was flushed with 'fizz' and numbness.  My head felt like a ton and a really bad headache.  I was afraid I was going to faint.

I can, in retrospect, think what MAY have happened.  Severe neck pinch (and nary a Vulcan in sight!) which caused my right side to start to go numb.  All the rest: nausea, shaking, fear, fast heart rate, feeling faint were likely the result of a (totally understandable) panic attack from the sudden numbness onset.

It took me several hours (and a long phone call with a friend, Lauree - who has been a ROCK during this whole health fiasco) to get me through the worst of the panic while the adrenaline worked out of my system and the pain in my head/neck subsided.

This morning my face is numbish and neck is very stiff.  One thing during our phone call last night,she encouraged me to get some PT for my neck.  It may help things and it can't hurt.  I do have an order (Rx) for same from the neuro-surgeon and will call the therapist today (Update: evaluation appt May 9 - yay!).  I also have (FINALLY!) a follow-up visit this Friday to the neurologist who has left me dangling after my tests taken back in MARCH.

Otherwise, the sun is shining and I'm supposed to mow the lawns today.  I'll have to think about that one... (Another update - yep, I mowed.  Only partly and with lots of breaks.)

So much opportunity!

So little energy.

Rest assured, though. What energy I DO find, I sure don't let it slip through my fingers.  Nosirree.  Alas, all of it cannot be spent pell-mell in the gardens.  Yesterday I managed to get caught up on the laundry AND (finally finally finally!) sowed annual seeds down in the basement on the heat tray.  (That chore should have been done at the beginning of the month, but a gal can only do what a gal can do.)

This morning I am pleased to be not weak and shaking, although a bit tired after yesterday.  Even so I've written up an ambitious list of chores.  I'll make myself do the shopping stuff first - that always wipes me out so I can't leave it for later. 

No worries about the rest on the list.  With a weather forecast like this, I certainly don't have to cram fun gardening projects into just a couple of days.   Easy does it, is my new motto.  A STUPID motto.  But one I'll have to stick with for now.

This April has been SO much better (weatherwise) than last: cooler temps and just over 4" of rain spread out over all 4 weeks.  Hopefully summer will be equally temperate as compared to last year's heat and drought.  Fingers crossed!  :-D

Last chance

I can't believe it's been nearly a week since my last post and I'm sorry if I left you all with a cliffhanger there.   But it's been a busy, frustrating and puzzling week.

First off, the good news is - I do not have Lyme disease or shingles.  Yay!

The bad news - I'm hypoglycemic.   Boo!

When I went for the blood draw on Tuesday I asked  the Doctor to give me one of the FreeStyle glucose monitor kits she gives out to potential diabetics.  I was convinced that a lot of my weakness, shaking, light-headedness, anxiety and headaches might be due to low sugar.  After all, if I can't gain weight, can't absorb nutrition well, wouldn't that inhibit the amount of glucose available in my blood?  She gave me one, but not with any heart in it.

I started using the 10 strips inside the box that day.  After an hour after both meals (lunch/supper) the sugar never went higher than 125-132.  But within 2 hours of eating the meter dropped to 100.  An hour later - to 80.  Finally 4 hours after supper, I bottomed out at 61!  Then the 'rebound' effect kicked in and it climbed back to 80 by bedtime.  Even so, I ate something before going to sleep.

Good grief.  While being hypoglycemic does not seem related to the random numbness, it IS indicative that something is just not right!  (I believe low blood sugar is a symptom of something else, not a cause of my ailment.)

Not only did I show I was hypoglycemic, but coupled with my latest blood work (elevated serum albumin & calcium - both of which could be caused by dehydration (the kind that drinking water does not help)) got me to thinking about malfunctioning adrenals so I (naively) was about to ask if by any chance she knew an endocrinologist, when she looked at me and said, "You're really stressed about being sick, aren't you?"  Well ... yeah... (Duh!  It's been 18 months.  Someone has to be!).  

Then she said, very slowly, "Maybe you're sick because you're stressed."  (huh?)  And at that point, the GP who has never had ANY recommendation for a specialist in ANY field, says to me, (wait for it)...

(waaaaait for it).....

"I can send you to this psychiatrist...."

 I can only imagine the look on my face.  No wait... I can.  Because when I tell this story (one at at time) to friends, their immediate stunned, deer-in-headlights, jaw-dropped expression must be how I looked in the office.  And, almost immediately, they voice what had been niggling at me for months, now:

For God's sake - get out of there and GET YOURSELF ANOTHER DOCTOR.  

My friends are right.  They are having a great time milking the humor out of this, but, they are right.

So now I'm off to find another GP.   What a drag.  I'm also off to find an endocrinologist because if I'm unable to keep hydrated, then more things will start going wrong.

Besides, what's one more specialist to bill me for no help?  All I can say is, thank gods I paid into Medicare for 45 years for coverage.  You have no idea how much it's cost so far for so many doctors to say, "All the standard tests are good."   I'm not even asking at this point for a doctor that thinks outside the box.

I'm looking for a doctor that THINKS. Period.